Tell me who you’re crushing on and
I will tell you who to follow,
Strangleheld and strangely hollow
Fold within fold within vacuum –
1 am and I am
Running again in circles,
Rounding myself to a figure
Too cold to go out into sunlight.
Both by water and silence
I turn up voices from the
Caverns of my damaged throat,
Learn to speak firmly in
My own tone, my one ruin,
My softly constructed vision
Of words that end halfway
Being interesting isn’t enough;
I want to inspire acts of rebellion.
With all the bad advice I’ve been taking
I’m better exhausted than aching,
More healthy admonished than faking
An interest in being in love.
Funny how light keep(s) changing
And I keep keeping tabs on who owns me,
Amplified and simply
Without a valid excuse to kill –
Teach me to how do, how not to lose myself inside you.
You had apocalypse written all over you and still
I could not find a way to keep you
Warm and always melting.
I who love who I love love who I cannot have;
I who keep who I keep cannot keep who my keeper
Keeps telling me is capable of
I loved you at your darkest,
You could not hold me at my lightest
Year, my slowest speed,
My most manageable way of being
In one piece at once, feeling safe for once,
Finding an excuse in circumstance.
This is the difference:
They are crazy because they are drunk and
I am drunk because I am crazy –
Soon, the tremors will kick in
And I’ll kick in whoever’s gotten
Close enough to get hurt,
Sweet enough to be cut and
Cut back in return.