Safex, Prozac, Stilnox

Selfish ego, common id (no, communist!) –
They say I must be broken before I become open
To age-appropriate change, disreputable behaviour,
Adjustment to a system that denies my basic rights,
My Triassic injuries: childhood I’ve myself destroyed,
My image of grime sinister childish boy
Too young to spend the night out, return to grieve
Then hide out in the spaces he inhabits but seems
To not control, not develop a healthy hold of.
On this staff I lean, however briefly –
On disaster I will spend all I have brought with me
From kind incursions in stupidity;
The coming of a from where money’s first and
Thirst is brewed from sacing, new addictions
Need be triggered by best safety in the worst of
Borrowed guns. Too turbulent, too succulent,
Belligerent and unimportant –
I now spell my second name like my first
In an attempt to remind myself it’s me I love,
Not me that’s over. What you’ve taken I’ll replace,
I will have you pay me back from all the space you
Covered, straying hands in all, mercurial ground
Where lowered expectations run too slow to
Be recovered. I scatter and remiss:
Can I get a better high than this?
Testosterone cocaine and bliss that merge
Into a fondness for new dangers,
Huff and fussing up all strangers in a
5metre perimeter, a sentient reliever of
So many years at large, so many ones
My enemies – figures pulling closer to the
Circle others drew around me in
Aroused disgust, someone’s lost and lone
Coincidence. You’re easier to find than a buck
But still classy as(s) fuck – someone with a
Name to mirror mine stirring up dust from
Static lines, wealth of three lost friends on the
Midnight intersection, trading er- for dir-
True ections, def- and f-orming damage without
Precedence. My good friend tells me I have
All the symptoms of his likeness:
Weakness promiscuity and kindness.
For once I feel entitled to an illness
That I’m sure I can’t control.

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